College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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