you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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