You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
