my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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