Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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