YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
