Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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