Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
