Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize