i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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