The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
