Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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