I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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