I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
