he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
