I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
wow bdsm is so cute
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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