My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
