Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
