i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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