i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My feet surprised me
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
