just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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