My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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