Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
