dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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