cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
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My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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