I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize