my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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