I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
