My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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