My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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