i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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