Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
