I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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