so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
