did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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