Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
