TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
