if you like me you must not know who I am
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
