i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
