matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
