I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
