I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dear god my vagina.
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