If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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