On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Will exercising make me less horny?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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