Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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