Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
