is your mom at the bar?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
