do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
