i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
