I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
