im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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