if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
