My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
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I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
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I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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