Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
