my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
