JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
