im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the day after is always just damage control
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
