I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
