So drunk its hurt
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
