jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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