My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
