So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
