ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
